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Narration: Webster's dictionary defines desperation as "a loss of hope and surrender to despair a state of hopelessness leading to rashness" and one is classified as desperate if they are "suffering extreme need or anxiety". The acts of desperation by desperate people have long been the subject of books, movies, plays, and songs. Being that so many mediums have chosen to portray this mind set.. perhaps there are more desperate people then we care to admit. Perhaps, we are all guilty of a little desperation.
Kevin was seated in his father's study. He watched intently as his father met with his long-time lawyer and dear family friend Carmine D' Angelino. The subject at hand was not one that he particularly wished to be observing, but his father understood what the doctors weren't saying. Vito Bianchetti, Sr. was not long for this life. Seeing his father's health fade made Kevin question his own mortality and caused him to think of his current life plan and how it varied from the life he wishes he could lead.
Vito, Sr.: "And my wife, she will be taken care of according to these provisions"
Carmine: "Yes Vito, Josephine will have nothing to worry about, you have spelled out your final wishes very clearly."
Vito Sr., sighs: "Good. You know I have lived with the knowledge that everyone dies sometime. I am not one to be so blind as to think I will live forever, but to make a will is to face one's one mortality I trust you Carmine, if you say this document will assure my family is taken care of, the so be it, where do I sign."
Carmine showed Vito, Sr. where to sign his Last Will and Testament. Once the document was signed the lawyer placed it in his briefcase and made his departure. Vito Sr. sat behind his desk and he noticed the depressed look in his son's eyes. Kevin noticed his father's concerned look and surprised himself by voicing the question that was perplexing him.
Kevin: "Hey Pop, do you have any regrets?"
The question caught the senior Bianchetti off guard, to stifle his surprise at the question, he smiled as he quoted one of his favorite songs. "Regrets? I've had a few."
His son did not share in this comical answer, his face retained it's forlorned look. Vito Sr. shifted uneasily in his chair. "Forgive my joke. I was trying to lighten the mood." The older man cleared his throat. "To answer your question, yes I have my regrets, everyone does. But you know, it's funny, in the movies and songs. There's always some old guy, a washed up- has been, sitting there in his depends undergarments, eating mashed up carrots, no teeth, no hair, bragging about how he doesn't regret anything. If he had it all to do over, he'd do it exactly the same. That is so bullshit, I mean come on. With all millions of chances you get to fuck your life up no one would do EVERYTHING EXACTLY the same. I mean the only people who say that are either to pig headed to admit that they've made any mistakes or their minds are so far gone they can't remember what they did or should've did."
Kevin sighs, "What would you change about your life if you had to live it over."
Vito, Sr.: "Well a lot of LITTLE things. All of my BIG decisions I have put a lot of thought into and would probably do again.. but I think the most obvious thing I would do something about would be my health. I would've taken better care of myself. I by no means wanted to live forever but I always thought I'd do more than I have gotten a chance to do. Take your mother places, see you married, spoil a few grand children."
Vito Sr. noticed how his son's face contorted with the very mention of marriage and children. They were interrupted by a knock on the door and they both looked up as it opened. Into the room walked Aldo Messina, Vito, Sr's "right-hand-man" Aldo greets father and son and then sits down.
After Messina's arrival, father and son had no further discussion about regrets. The conversation instead focused on the development plans for the New MGM Grand, Resort and Casino. Vito, Jr. listened, yet his mind was elsewhere. He thought about his life path and about all the choices that had been pre-determined for him. He thought about what everyone expected him to do and what he wanted to accomplish and all of his thoughts came to one conflicting point. He was torn, would he allow that conflict to be his regret. COULD he allow that conflict to be his regret, COULD he live with THAT regret.
********
Sweetie Pie's Bake Shoppe was uncommonly crowded for a Saturday afternoon. Guido Mancuso was feverishly working to fill the orders. His daughter, Angelina, was waiting on the patrons. His son, Tomas, was making deliveries. Angelina walked over to the booth in the corner and smiled at the group of young guys sitting there.
Angelina: "Hey Tino, to what do we owe the pleasure?"
Justino Mazzagotti smiled: "I got this sweet tooth, I was hopin' you could help me cure"
Angelina winks at him: "you flirtin' with me kid?"
Tino: " nah! You got the big sister status."
She smiles: "Speaking of sisters, when does Suzanna get home for break?"
Tino: "Next Friday "
Angelina nods and takes their order and then disappears behind the counter. She was just out of sight when Chris Kirkpatrick, who had been starring out the window, cracks up.
Tino: "What's so funny?"
Tino looks out the window and sees the flatbed tow truck pull into the shop across the street, it hauled the shattered remains of Joey Fatone's beloved car.
Tino: "Holy Shit.. Abby did a job on that car. That is worse than he described."
They were all starring out the window and commenting on the damage when Angelina brought their orders out. Their comments made her grin. She had personally felt very proud of Abby when she had heard what went down in California a few days earlier. The bells on the entrance door jingled as it opened and in walked a solace faced Joey Fatone. He plopped down in the booth across from Tino.
Chris, not being able to help himself: "Car looks great"
Joey: "Fuck you"
Chris: "What'd you say to me you fucking dolt"
Joey: "Come 're, I'll kill you, you little limey bastard"
Tino: "Hey! Chill out! Don't take your misfortune out on us. You're the one who fucked up, you deal with it."
Joey sank lower in the seat and sulked. "She won't take my calls. I have tried a few times to talk to her. How am I supposed to appoligize if she won't talk to me?"
Tino: "How am I supposed to know?"
Joey: "What would you do in my situation?"
Chris: "Not get caught"
Tino grinned, but Joey just glared at Chris..
Chris: "No I am serious, how stupid can you possibly be to take your mistress to the same town as your girlfriend."
Joey: "I'm not talkin' to you. Look Tino, I need her to talk to me so I can explain. Can you talk to her?"
Tino: "I don't know, I don't get involved in my sisters' love lives. It's not healthy for me."
Joey: "Please, I am desperate here, I would owe you big."
Tino thought for a few minutes, he liked having people in his debt, and finally nodded: "I'll try, but I make no promises."
Joey: "Thanks."
Later that night..
Abby was sitting at home bored senseless. Joey always takes her out on the weekends, so she is home all alone. He had sent flowers, and cards and stuffed animals, all saying how sorry he was and to please forgive him. The flowers and cards went in the trash and she had instructed the one domestic servant to forward the stuffed animals to a women and children's shelter. She was so done with him.
But now as she sat there watching a re-run of Cops, she found herself missing him. She glances over at the only picture of the two of them that had survived her initial rage. She had decided to keep this picture because it also included her father and because she thought she looked extremely cute. Abby looks at Joey's cute smile and twinkling eyes and she looks at the phone. She should call him, but then he'd think she forgave him. NO! She was definitely done. There was a knock at her door.
Justino: "Hey Abby you decent?"
Abby: "No one has ever accused me of it!"
Tino: "What?"
Abby: "Yeah come on in Tino."
He comes in dressed to go out.
Abby: "Where are you going?"
Justino: "I'm meeting Chris."
He sits on the bed next to her noticing her tear streaked face and the tissues over flowing form her trash can. He puts on a look of sympathy.
Tino: "Why don't you just call him. You know you're going to."
Abby: "Cause I'm still mad. How could he do that? We where suppose to be in this relationship and then he goes and sleeps with another woman. I can't trust him."
Justino: "he did it cause he respects you."
Abby scoffs: "What? He slept with some girl cause he respects me. What are you smoking?"
Justino: "Abby you're still too young to understand how guys think. He respects your decision about not sleeping with him until you are ready. So instead of pressuring you he just goes and has these little flings."
Abby: "You mean you knew about this."
Justino shrugs: "it's just what guys do."
Abby looks at him "That's fucked up Justino."
Justino: "Hey watch the mouth."
Abby: "I'm sorry but it is."
Justino: "Just think about what I said and give him another chance. He really cares about you. Besides he's making me crazy."
He kisses the top of her head and leaves. Abby shakes her head and sits there thinking about the amount of shit a guy can get away with just by having a penis.
Later at The Cheetah:
Joey: "Did you talk to her?"
A stripper is on stage trying desperately to get his attention.
Justino: "yeah she said she'd think about it."
He admires the girls on stage doing their grinding on the poles. He smiles at one and she works her way over. Joey is lost in thought and absentmindedly slips a twenty in the passing waitress's thong as she puts down his drink.
Joey: "Should I call her tomorrow?"
The girl that Justin was eyeing is now at their table and receives his full attention. Joey snaps his fingers and Tino glares at him.
Joey: "Tino... Can you pay attention please? I have to get her back she's breaking my heart."
Justino: "Be glad that's all she broke. Well that and your car."
They all have a good laugh again over the damage Abby inflicted on Joey's beloved car. Tino is then distracted by the stripper on his lap who whispers something in his ear.
Joey: "yeah okay it was not the smartest thing I've done."
Chris: "No the smartest thing would have been to keep the two of them as far from each other as possible."
Joey: "Well it's not going to happen again."
Chris: "you've learned your lesson."
Joey: "yep I'm going to be faithful to Abigail."
That got everyone's attention. Even the strippers, all the girls at the club knew about Joey. The girl who got picked by him was considered lucky; word was he knows how to do everything right. It was not
unusual for him to take two or three of them home when he left.
Justino: "yeah right."
Joey: "She's important to me. I'm going to go call her."
Chris, motioning to their surroundings.. : "Oh yeah that'll be good. Make sure you tell her where you are."
Justino: "Sit down Joey find a couple girls and enjoy yourself tonight. She'll call you tomorrow."
Joey: "I don't want a couple girls Tino. I want Abby."
He leaves the club.
Chris: "I hope they make up soon. He's no fun like this."
Justino isn't paying attention. The girl he has is taking him to the back for a lap dance.
Chris: "Well ladies looks like it's just us."
The other girl who was trying to get Joey had diverted her attention to Chris, who is more then willing to receive it.
The next morning
Abby wakes up to find flowers on the bedside table. She don't even have to look at the card, she knows they are from Joey. She stretches and gets out of bed. That's when she sees him sitting on her chair. She nervously looks around and at the door and even though they are alone she whispers.
Abby: "What are you doing in here?"
Joey: "I had to talk to you."
Abby: "Are you nuts what if someone catches you? You have to get out now."
Joey: "I'll risk it if you'll talk to me for a few minutes."
Abby regains her tough-girl attitude, : "I don't think we have anything to talk about Joseph."
Joey: "yes we do. I'm sorry I was an idiot. I love you. Please give me another chance. I'm done with the other women I swear. I can wait for you as long as you want, just please say you love me again."
Abby: "How can I trust you?"
Joey: "I don't know. I'll do anything you want me to. You want snow in July you got it, just please give me another chance."
Abby: "You won't see her again."
Joey: "I won't see her or anyone else but you. I love you Abby."
He takes her face in his hands.
Abby: "I love you too Joey."
Joey: "Are we okay?"
Abby: "Yeah, but you do this again and I catch you. I'm not taking it out on your car."
He catches her undertone and smiles despite himself : "I love you."
Abby: "I love you, but you better get out of here."
Joey: "Wait I got you something."
He reaches in his pocket and pulls out a simple gold chain with a solid heart pendent.
Abby smiles, she loves jewelry a lot: "awe, you didn't have to."
Joey: "I wanted to, I'll be back in an hour. You want to get out of here for awhile."
Abby: "Absolutely. I'll be ready."
He kisses her and leaves through the balcony door.
She sighs. She knows it's only a matter of time before he's screwing around again but as Justino put it, that's just the way things are. He screws around and she get jewelry or something.
********
Penny had just gotten back to the house that she had been sharing for the past month with her boyfriend Brian Bianchetti. He was sitting on the stairs with a few suitcases on the floor.
Penny: "Are you going some where?"
Brian: "No you are."
Penny: "Where am I going?"
She sits her shopping bags down.
Brian: "I've arranged an apartment for you and paid your rent in advance for two months. You should back on your feet by then."
He gets up and goes into the living room.
Penny: "You're kicking me out!"
Brian: "This is what's best for both of us."
She follows him.
Penny: "That's bullshit. What's going on? You made me believe that we were going to be together."
He pours himself a drink. "Come on now Penny. I'm sure you heard all about me. I don't settle down. Now let's not make a scene."
Penny: "Make a scene there's no one here. We've been together six months. That meant nothing to you?"
Brian: "No, it meant something to me. You're a lovely girl but I can't commit. Not to you, not to anyone. Come on you had to see this coming."
Penny: "When should I have seen this coming. When you took me to me on that trip to Italy. Or when I bared my soul to you about how I was raised. Or, oh that was it. When I start talking about having kids."
He can't meet her eyes. He knows the pain he would see in them. "I'm not bring children in to a life that I despise. I never meant to give you the impression that I wanted to."
She comes over and takes his hands in hers. "Then we won't rush into anything. I'm sorry if I pushed you too hard, just please don't send me away."
Brian: "Penny it's not going to work. I'm sorry." He takes his hands out of hers. "It's time for you to go."
Penny: "No."
Brian: "Excuse me."
Penny: "No I'm not leaving. You love me."
He laughs: "I love you? When did I ever say I love you?"
Penny: "You might have never said it but you showed it. You couldn't be so tendering and caring with me if you didn't love me."
Brian: "Penny." He takes her face in his hands. "I don't love you. I was just being polite."
It felt like a knife twisted in her heart when he said that. Brian was not a cruel person, he did have feelings for this girl but things were going too far and he knew he had to put a stop to it. Just then a car honks outside.
Brian: "I called you a cab. You are in no condition to drive."
He leaves her sitting on the floor to compose herself and try to save what is left of her dignity.
He put the suitcases in the trunk and gave the driver the address. Penny came out still wiping her tears away. She walked over to where he was standing.
Penny: "I just want you to know that I do love you. And I will always love you."
She goes to kiss him and he turns away.
Brian: "Here's your keys. I will have some one drop off your car and the rest of your things."
He turns and goes back into the house. She gets in the cab and it drives away. After he saw it go out of sight he called his brother, Nick.
Nick: "Hello?"
Brian: "Hey little brother what's up?"
Nick: "Not my grades. Why am I doing this again?"
Brian: "Because it's what mom would have wanted."
Nick: "So how's things in Vegas?"
Brian: "Pretty much the same."
Nick: "How's Uncle Vito dong?"
Brian: "Not so good. You're still coming in for spring break right."
Nick: "That's the plan."
Brian: "Good the Mazzagotti's have extended an olive branch so to speak. We've been invited to young Abigail's 18th birthday party."
Nick groans: "why do we have to go?"
Brian: "Because Uncle Vito can't. We're going to be escorting Aunt Josie. There will be a lot of other kids there I figured you would enjoy it."
Nick: "Brian I'm not exactly a kid anymore. Think Penny could hook me up with one of her friends so I don't get stuck dancing with some teenager with a face full of zits."
Brian: "I don't think so. I broke up with her. Besides, what happened to this girl you have been raving about, Antionette something or other"
Nick: " she's not sure her father would approve of the trip but back to Penny. I can't believe it's over, she got passed the three month mark. Hell you even let her move in I thought she was a keeper."
Brian: "Well you were wrong. We'll just call it a temporary loss of sanity. Anyway I will be going stag too."
Nick: "Yeah but knowing you, you won't be leaving alone."
Brian: "I think I'm done with dating for awhile."
Nick: "Yeah right."
Brian: "No I'm serious man. I hurt Penny pretty bad. She's a good kid I shouldn't have done that to her. I know I can't commit but I keep trying anyway. So I'm done."
Nick: "For now. I know you. You'll find some cute little brunette and fall in love all over again."
Brian laughs a little. "Okay little brother. I got to go, see ya when you get in."
Nick: "Are you going to pick me up at the airport?"
Brian: "Probably."
They hang up and Brian heads over to his uncle's house.
He turned on the radio as he drove. Miraculously the DJ played a song that summarized his life. He nodded to the music and sang along with Aerosmith.
I KEPT THE RIGHT ONES OUT
LET THE WRONG ONES IN
HAD AN ANGEL OF MERCY
TO SEE ME THROUGH ALL MY SIN
THERE WERE TIMES IN MY LIFE
WHEN I WAS GOIN' INSANE
TRYIN' TO WALK THROUGH THE PAIN
WHEN I LOST MY GRIP
AND I HIT THE FLOOR
YEAH, I THOUGHT I COULD LEAVE
BUT COULDN'T GET OUT THE DOOR...HEH HA
I WAS SO SICK N' TIRED
OF LIVIN' A LIE
HONEY...I WAS WISHING THAT I WOULD DIE
IT'S AMAZING
WITH THE BLINK OF AN EYE
YOU FINALLY SEE THE LIGHT
OH...IT'S AMAZING
WHEN THE MOMENT ARRIVES
THAT YOU KNOW YOU'LL BE ALRIGHT
OH...IT'S AMAZING
SO I'M SAYING A PRAYER
FOR THE DESPERATE HEARTS TONIGHT !!!!!!!!!!
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