Chapter Twenty-Six

They stayed for a few hours but then Gram didn't wake up again. Kurt didn't say a whole lot. Uncle Chris had been called but he was stuck on an assignment in Europe and couldn't get back until that afternoon. Around noon Goldie told Jess to go home.

Jess - "I don't want to leave you guys here by yourselves."

Loren - "Look I'm going home too. Tristan is probably bouncing off the walls at Mooney's. I don't know what I'm going to tell him." He had adopted Shirley as one of his grandma's.

Jess - "He's a smart kid just tell him the truth."

Loren - "I don't want to scare him. But anyway just go okay."

Goldie - "Yes please Brian's stomach has been growling for the past hour."

Brian - "Sorry."

Goldie - "Don't worry about it."

Jess - "Alright. But call me the minute she even flinches."

Goldie - "Okay." They all walk up the hall.

Loren - "Actually Brian could you give us a minute."

Brian - "Yeah sure I have to go make a call." He walks to a nurse's station.

Jess - "What?"

Loren - "Okay what is going on?"

Jess - "Nothing." She looks at her hands, the first sign she's lying. "Okay I have no idea what I'm doing. I called him cause I need to hear his voice and then he came and I was so happy to see him. He's been so great, he even made eggs. I haven't had a man cook for me since Donnie it was nice. Then we took a nap and I woke up and saw him laying next me. It seemed like he was supposed to be there. I've got to put a stop to this."

Loren - "Why? Jessica, he is a good person. Everyone can tell he cares about you. You should let yourself be happy."

Jess - "I don't know."

Loren - "Promise me you'll think about it."

Jess - "It's all I've been thinking about."

Loren - "Then maybe you should stop thinking and start feeling."

Jess - "So are you going to drop us off to get my car?"

Loren - "No. I'm taking Berg's car. You take him home."

Jess - "Okay go home and call me."

Loren - "okay. Tell Brian I said bye." She leaves and Jess walks to the desk.

He's standing down at the nurse's desk on the phone. He looks so handsome and he could be Jess's if she would just let it happen. She sneaks up behind him. "Boo."

Brian - "Hey. Okay I'll talk to you later mom. I love you too."

Jess - "Is everything okay?"

Brian - "Yeah I just wanted to check in with her. She had been worried cause Johnny kept calling her looking for me."

Jess - "Oh you probably should go back."

Brian - "Probably. Come on let's get out of here."

Jess - "okay." The drive back to her apartment is not as hectic. They get there and Brian asks to use the shower. "Yeah go ahead I'm going to try to make something to eat."

Brian - "okay." Once she looks in the cabinets she realizes that she needs to go grocery shopping on a more regular basis. She knocks on the door to the bathroom.

Jess - "Brian?"

Brian - "Yeah come in." She walks in and he's standing there in boxers running the water.

Jess - "Oh I'm sorry." She goes to leave.

Brian - "it's okay. I'm going to take advantage of your big tub and take a bath if that's okay."

Jess - "Oh that's fine. Oh god, is that from your surgery?" She walks over and touches the scar on his chest.

Brian - "Yeah it's faded alot."

Jess - "I'm sorry I didn't mean to be rude. I have to run to the store I'll be right back." She leaves the apartment quickly. After picking up enough groceries to last her a couple days she started dinner. Brian comes out dressed on jeans and a Kentucky sweat shirt.

Brian - "Smells good."

Jess - "Hamburger Helper it's the only thing I know how to make."

Brian - "Anything is better then the services food we eat all the time. Need any help?"

Jess - "No, go ahead get your self a drink and some salad if you want."

Brian - "You made salad." She holds up a bag of premade and a tomato. "Oh I'll cut the tomato." He makes both of them a salad. "Are we sitting up here?"

Jess - "Actually I usually eat in front of the TV. I know it's not good but..."

Brian - "I'm not complaining." He gets two TV trays out and sits them up. Jess dishes up two bowls and joins him. "I didn't know what you wanted to drink but I figured milk was safe."

Jess - "Thanks. Where's the remote?"

Brian - "I've got it." He turns on the TV. The only thing on is talk shows and cops. Which we watch until Jess thinks she recognizes some one. He then turns on MTV. "Oh good the news."

"Hi this is John Norris. The Backstreet boys have started the second leg of their North American tour late last month and things have been going well. Concerts have been selling out all across the country. But in a press release we received this morning states that Brian Littrell, is taking a leave from the tour due to exhaustion. You might remember that earlier this year Brian underwent open-heart surgery to repair a hole that he had had since he was young. It is unknown when he will be rejoining the tour but hopefully it will be soon. In related news the boys are performing a special New Years Eve show in their hometown of Orlando. The concert will be tape for a video coming out early next year. That's the news for now. Stay tuned here for news ten to the hour at MTV."

Brian - "I was wondering what they were telling everyone."

Jess - "You should really go back. My gram is going to be okay and I'm okay now I shouldn't have bothered you in the first place."

Brian - "I was coming no matter what you said." They sit in silence.

Jess - "Do you want more?"

Brian - "No I've had plenty." She takes their plates into the kitchen. "We should really talk."

Jess - "I know." She comes and sits next to him. "Talking always seems to ruin everything."

Brian - "We can't keep avoiding it. Jessica look at me." She does. His eyes are so blue and she can feel the love in them. "I love you. I need you to be with me. This could be such a good thing.

Jess - "I know. I'm scared, I've never been so scared. I'm afraid you losing you."

Brian - "I'm not going anywhere."

Jess - "but when we break up I won't have my friend anymore."

Brian - "Who says we would break up? The way I feel for you is not a passing thing. It's not going to go away. You have to trust me."

Jess - "I do trust you. I don't trust myself. I can't be with you Brian. The risk is too big." She hated hurting him but felt she had to. If for no other reason so she wouldn't hurt him worse later. He's just staring out the window. "Brian." She touches his arm, he moves away. "I'm sorry."

Brian - "So am I." he looks at her. "I'm sorry I misread your actions. I'm sorry I didn't keep my feelings to myself instead on looking like a jackass. I thought this is what you wanted, I thought you wanted me. I think I should go." He gets up.

Jess - "Brian, please don't go."

Brian - "I can't stay and hold you and look in your eyes and not love you. I'll be your friend Jessica but right now I have to go." He leaves. She goes to the window and sees him hail a cab. And just like that she lost her chance.